Family, Lifestyle, Relationships

What Caused the Wedge Between Us? — A Poem Reflecting Break-ups & Divorce.

You may have already guessed, but my way of dealing with emotions is most often through writing.

Writing is therapy for me.

I write this poem, not about my own personal marriage, but as a reflection of marriages and relationships within my family and friends that have broken up.

It’s hard to deal with divorce and break ups.

For me personally, it was a great moment to sit back and reflect and even encourage my spouse to reflect on our own relationship and consider our struggles and strengths.

Perhaps it will give you a moment to pause and reflect on your own relationship.

For we know, relationships are so fragile and delicate.

I hold no judgement toward broken marriages and relationships.

As I know each relationship has its own story.

I don’t have all the answers.

I just have thoughts from this simple poem below.

What caused the Wedge Between Us?

What caused the wedge between us ?

Will we ever know?

It started out so little, but it did continue to grow.

Was it a lack of time together ?

Or perhaps our values weren’t the same?

What caused the wedge between us?

I wish it would go away.

Perhaps it was not talking at dinner,

Or spending time with others,not each other.

Our progression as a couple was not growing linear,

Instead it was growing apart.

But didn’t we love each other?

And commit to have each other’s hearts?

What caused the wedge between us?

It’s pulling us apart.

Was it the lack of simple “I love yous?”

Or no hugs when we got home from the day?

Maybe our hobbies never included each other?

Or our stressors became too much in the way?

What caused the wedge between us?

Will it ever go away?

I feel like our relationship is drowning,

A relationship I just can’t seem to save.

When did our commitment get thrown on the back burner?

How did we let it get this way?

Was it not taking walks while holding hands,

Or was it simply a love that decided to fade?

And now this wedge between us,

It’s haunted us so long,

It’s taken it’s course, it smothered our path

And now our relationship is gone.

The wedge won its big battle

It grew and it grew and it grew.

It wasn’t just one little thing,

It was all the little things we did NOT do,

No holding hands nor hugs nor talks,

We chose hobbies instead of each other,

Our everyday life was made up of a universe without the relationship at the front and center.

So a wedge was made, so small at first..

Nobody thought much of it.

And yet time is a beast, as it created the wedge that became bigger and greater than ever.

What caused the wedge between us?

It’s simply easy to tell,

The relationship wasn’t a priority for every second— of everyday, and time pushed that wedge in the way.

And the wedge won.

So if there’s a wedge between you, decide now what small simple thing you can do..

Start now, this minute, working against a wedge is hard…

Can you fight it?

You can.

But-you must both fight it.

The wedge must be pushed away from both sides,

One sided will push the wedge into the other relationship. It can not be one-sided,

And if the wedge is not fought by both sides,

I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time,

Before the wedge wins,

And the relationship draws the line.

And the couple can’t comprehend:

“What caused the wedge between us?“

—C.N. Austin

Family, Lifestyle, Relationships

Why I keep “dating” my husband …

Date nights?

Maybe you’re not sure what that is, or why people have date nights?

Well, I can tell you that date nights in our marriage are not just important .. they are VITAL.

And even though I know I’m not a marriage expert by any means .. I know date nights are vital for ALL couples.

Our engagement photo (2014)

So here is why I keep “dating” my husband:

1-Communication with each other. It’s easy to get busy with kids and work and such, and forget to take time as a couple to just talk, to connect and to communicate with each other.

2- Growing deeper in our understanding of one another. What does this mean? Talking about the highlights and low points of our days, weeks and year—and understand where our spouse is struggling or excelling. By understanding each other more, we can empathize with each other more and connect in a more positive way.

3- Physically being near one another. I remember going to dinner with my husband and having the thought “goodness my husband has the best smile.” Just taking time to physically “fall in love” with each other again is key.

One of our first overnight getaways after the kids were born.

4- Emotional and spiritual bonding. If couples aren’t going out together, it’s difficult to grow emotionally and spiritually. Driving in the car and having a deep discussion without interruption may be an example of an emotional or spiritual connection. It’s hard to make these connections with a spouse when there’s a lot of distraction all around.

5-Strengthening friendship. At the end of the day your spouse should not only be a friend, but I would argue your spouse should be your best friend. Spending time with your spouse is a key component to creating a strong friendship. And friendships must continue to be nurtured. Even the best friendships can be broken if there is little to not time spent to help keep them strong.

6- Sharing beautiful moments with each other. Your spouse is the one that will experience life with you, so who better to share beautiful moments with than your sweet spouse?

I know for me personally, I look forward to date nights more than pretty much anything. Having a moment to be exclusively and solely with my spouse is a time to reconnect and prioritize relationships.

If you have young kids, understand it’s not selfish to go on date nights. Those children need to see their parents dating and in love. The example of prioritizing the marriage relationship is key.

My husband truly has the best smile!

My parents have been married over 50 years and something that warms my heart is that they go on date nights weekly!

It doesn’t matter that my parents have been together longer than they’ve been apart. Their friendship and relationship is prioritized as very important and what a tribute it is to see them enjoying each other’s company for so many years and making time for date nights!

So if you’re married, take time for the date night!

I could write in depth about the importance of date nights but just know, it’s so important for so many reasons.

Do you and your spouse go on date nights ?

xoxo,

Christy Lee