Well I have to admit, for both of us it wasn’t completely a blind date. We had seen each other very briefly at a birthday party one year prior.
At this point, I am 27 years old and many people had “blind dates,” for me.
I will admit not all my blind dates were rough, but quite a few were, and I was tainted by some of the blind dates I had been on.
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Me at this point in time, had just barely graduated with my Master’s Degree in Communications. (May 2013)
In particular, the blind date I had recently been on (before I was to be set up with Brad), was not good, it made me loose a lot of faith in blind dates.
So it was the week before I was to be set up with Brad, and I called my mom and said “maybe I wouldn’t go on this next blind date.”
I thought at this point, maybe I just needed to take the summer off from dating and “re-set.”
My mom has always been a good listener. She listened to my points and said “Honey, why don’t you go on this one more blind date with this nice boy, and then if it’s not great you can take the summer off from dating.”
A Picture of Brad at the time of our first date (2013).
You can’t say “no” to your mom, who you love and has your best interest in mind.
So, I decided to follow through with the blind date…….
So if you remember, my friend had mentioned Brad’s name… and I had remembered that I had met him at a birthday party—I thought he was cute!
Well I remember specifically, after going to a temple session at the Salt Lake temple my friend talked to me and said she thought it was time that I was set up with Brad.
So I told her double dates are the most fun, so I would set her up with my friend—my co-worker.
She was up for a double date, and I liked the idea of a little less pressure on a first date.
I talked to my co-worker about the situation, he was up for going on a double date with us.
Then he asked who the guy was I would be going with, when I told him his name he said “I totally know him, I played church sports with him!”
What are the odds right?
Of course my co-worker had nothing but great things to say about Brad, and it made me even MORE intrigued to go out with him.
However, blind dates hadn’t always been great for me so I didn’t read much into it.
Unfortunately, there were some twists and turns when it came to making sure this double date happened.
So after I met my sweet friend Whitney, we of course discussed the topic of who we were “dating.”
We both didn’t have anyone special. I told her I dated people, but I was in my final semester of grad school, writing a thesis and teaching school full time, so life was quite busy.
The timing was January of 2013.
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My husband and me probably do not have the typical love story in any way. So, with Valentines Day around the corner I thought I would share our love story in pieces.
First, some background you must know.
My husband Brad and I were single in Utah for much longer than most people tend to stay single.
We both VERY much wanted to be married and to have a family…but we both had experienced some challenges in the dating world. Things just hadn’t worked out.
Dating brought us both through many ups and downs, which in a way, made both of us a bit weary of blind dates or set ups at all.
Keep that in mind as I continue on…..
I was invited to my friend Marianne’s birthday party.
It was a fun “Mustache” birthday party.
And in the picture we took…we all had mustaches on…all but One.
There was one in the picture who put his finger above his mouth to create a mustache…and well, I thought this guy was quite cute.
I saw that my friend had been talking to this “cute guy,” so I asked her if she would introduce us.
She brushed it off and said “He’s like 31 and not married, he’s not the type that wants to settle down.” And she left it at that.
Who was that guy? Well, I found out his name…his name was Brad…….
So I may have Facebook stocked him…through looking at mutual friends.
I found this picture and was quite smitten;)
Facebook did have it’s benefits for single people back in 2013!
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m picky about podcasts. If I don’t like it, I won’t continue to listen.
I almost didn’t listen to this podcast episode because it mentioned that the story talks about loss, and I don’t always love hearing about that. My emotions just flow too much.
But as I started to listen to this podcast I knew I needed to continue listening .
I’m so glad I listened to this podcast because it reminded me how connected we truly are to each other.
How we are the answer to others’ prayers.
Please listen by clicking below and let me know what you learned!
You may have already guessed, but my way of dealing with emotions is most often through writing.
Writing is therapy for me.
I write this poem, not about my own personal marriage, but as a reflection of marriages and relationships within my family and friends that have broken up.
It’s hard to deal with divorce and break ups.
For me personally, it was a great moment to sit back and reflect and even encourage my spouse to reflect on our own relationship and consider our struggles and strengths.
Perhaps it will give you a moment to pause and reflect on your own relationship.
For we know, relationships are so fragile and delicate.
I hold no judgement toward broken marriages and relationships.
As I know each relationship has its own story.
I don’t have all the answers.
I just have thoughts from this simple poem below.
What caused the Wedge Between Us?
What caused the wedge between us ?
Will we ever know?
It started out so little, but it did continue to grow.
Was it a lack of time together ?
Or perhaps our values weren’t the same?
What caused the wedge between us?
I wish it would go away.
Perhaps it was not talking at dinner,
Or spending time with others,not each other.
Our progression as a couple was not growing linear,
Instead it was growing apart.
But didn’t we love each other?
And commit to have each other’s hearts?
What caused the wedge between us?
It’s pulling us apart.
Was it the lack of simple “I love yous?”
Or no hugs when we got home from the day?
Maybe our hobbies never included each other?
Or our stressors became too much in the way?
What caused the wedge between us?
Will it ever go away?
I feel like our relationship is drowning,
A relationship I just can’t seem to save.
When did our commitment get thrown on the back burner?
How did we let it get this way?
Was it not taking walks while holding hands,
Or was it simply a love that decided to fade?
And now this wedge between us,
It’s haunted us so long,
It’s taken it’s course, it smothered our path
And now our relationship is gone.
The wedge won its big battle
It grew and it grew and it grew.
It wasn’t just one little thing,
It was all the little things we did NOT do,
No holding hands nor hugs nor talks,
We chose hobbies instead of each other,
Our everyday life was made up of a universe without the relationship at the front and center.
So a wedge was made, so small at first..
Nobody thought much of it.
And yet time is a beast, as it created the wedge that became bigger and greater than ever.
What caused the wedge between us?
It’s simply easy to tell,
The relationship wasn’t a priority for every second— of everyday, and time pushed that wedge in the way.
And the wedge won.
So if there’s a wedge between you, decide now what small simple thing you can do..
Start now, this minute, working against a wedge is hard…
Can you fight it?
You can.
But-you must both fight it.
The wedge must be pushed away from both sides,
One sided will push the wedge into the other relationship. It can not be one-sided,
Maybe you’re not sure what that is, or why people have date nights?
Well, I can tell you that date nights in our marriage are not just important .. they are VITAL.
And even though I know I’m not a marriage expert by any means .. I know date nights are vital for ALL couples.
Our engagement photo (2014)
So here is why I keep “dating” my husband:
1-Communication with each other. It’s easy to get busy with kids and work and such, and forget to take time as a couple to just talk, to connect and to communicate with each other.
2- Growing deeper in our understanding of one another. What does this mean? Talking about the highlights and low points of our days, weeks and year—and understand where our spouse is struggling or excelling. By understanding each other more, we can empathize with each other more and connect in a more positive way.
3- Physically being near one another. I remember going to dinner with my husband and having the thought “goodness my husband has the best smile.” Just taking time to physically “fall in love” with each other again is key.
One of our first overnight getaways after the kids were born.
4- Emotional and spiritual bonding. If couples aren’t going out together, it’s difficult to grow emotionally and spiritually. Driving in the car and having a deep discussion without interruption may be an example of an emotional or spiritual connection. It’s hard to make these connections with a spouse when there’s a lot of distraction all around.
5-Strengthening friendship. At the end of the day your spouse should not only be a friend, but I would argue your spouse should be your best friend. Spending time with your spouse is a key component to creating a strong friendship. And friendships must continue to be nurtured. Even the best friendships can be broken if there is little to not time spent to help keep them strong.
6- Sharing beautiful moments with each other. Your spouse is the one that will experience life with you, so who better to share beautiful moments with than your sweet spouse?
I know for me personally, I look forward to date nights more than pretty much anything. Having a moment to be exclusively and solely with my spouse is a time to reconnect and prioritize relationships.
If you have young kids, understand it’s not selfish to go on date nights. Those children need to see their parents dating and in love. The example of prioritizing the marriage relationship is key.
My husband truly has the best smile!
My parents have been married over 50 years and something that warms my heart is that they go on date nights weekly!
It doesn’t matter that my parents have been together longer than they’ve been apart. Their friendship and relationship is prioritized as very important and what a tribute it is to see them enjoying each other’s company for so many years and making time for date nights!
So if you’re married, take time for the date night!
I could write in depth about the importance of date nights but just know, it’s so important for so many reasons.
