Parenting is amazing, and yet parenting is hard.
I had a moment this morning with my little girl, that made me reflect on parenting.
Rewind a bit.
I am reading Brene Browns book “Daring Greatly” and I love it and highly recommend it.
If you haven’t read this book, it goes into detail about “Shame” and how detrimental “shame” is for many people.
Keeping that in mind…..
I was reading about SHAME last night and I was pondering many moments of parenting in which I was worried I had “shamed” my kids in detrimental ways.
One specific concern is with my 4 year old daughter who HATES to go to the bathroom.
Yes, she has been potty trained for over a year, but she is not a fan of going to the bathroom.
I usually have to bribe her, or walk her into the bathroom, she just doesn’t do it very willingly or independently, and it has definitely tested my patience.
Well, this morning I had asked her my normal half a dozen times to go to the bathroom.
She hadn’t gone yet, and when it hit emergency mode she needed my help because she was wearing a long nightgown that she needed me to hold.
This cute little 4 year old was right in front of the toilet but she didn’t make it.
I sat there holding her nightgown up as she went to the bathroom all over my master bathroom floor…(palm to face).
Without thinking, I started to scream for a minute and as soon as I did my cute little 4 year old started saying “sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!!”
I immediately gathered my emotions together.
I stopped yelling and freaking out.
On the inside I was very frustrated but I knew that I had TWO choices.
As a parent I could “shame” her and make her feel terrible and guilty even though she already knew she had made a mistake.
I could be patient, make this little incident a teaching moment, and move on…because the reality is, she’s only 4 years old and bless her heart she’s trying.
Was is easy to stop myself from getting boiling mad and upset?!
No. You’re talking to the germaphobe here so cleaning up toilet issues is not my thing.
However, I love my sweet girl.
She is learning everyday, and guess what, so am I.
As a mother, I make my mistakes too and I can’t expect my young, sweet 4 year old to do everything perfectly.
It’s hard to not REACT, somehow that’s what I usually turn to.
However, I am learning if we choose LOVE over all the other options, things will be better.
Yes I have probably scarred my kids in some ways already.
No parent is perfect.
Parenting is truly a moment-to-moment basis…where if we can just react with love through all the moments, our kids will know that we love them, despite some of the mistakes they make along the way.
I truly believe I was meant to read about “Shame” last night so that I could handle this mornings situation better than normal.
Will I make mistakes as I continue on the parenting journey?
Sure, it’s natural.
And yet, as long as our focus is love, and if we are truly trying to “not-scar” our children, things will work out.
We can’t “Re-do” all our parenting moments.
And yet, we can sure a lot from each moment with our kids. And we can try to do better with each situation that comes.
Moral of the story?
Treat your kids with love and respect despite their weaknesses. Discipline them when necessary, but as long as our kids know that we love them know matter what, our kids will feel safe, happy and will grow.
Parenting is a beautiful, hard, amazing and difficult job all wrapped in one, and oh how blessed we are to have our beautiful children in our lives.