It was only about 6 weeks away from my up and coming marriage to my wonderful fiancé now husband.
(Below: My husband and I on our wedding day)
I was in Europe on a trip with family, walking and enjoying the beautiful scenery.
My parents had recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary only six months prior and I had the thought “let’s talk marriage advice with dad.”
I happened to be talking and visiting with my father, and I straight up asked him “So what marriage advice would you give me?”
Without skipping a beat he said “Sometimes you just gotta shut up!”
I giggled for a minute because it wasn’t exactly what I thought he’d say, but then he continued on by saying:
“When you get mad and upset you can say things that really hurt and you can never take those words back….so it’s best to stay quiet before you hurt the person you love.”
I LOVE this advice!
Even better, my father, who is wise in so many ways, was the first to let me know that his own advice is a struggle for him, and perhaps that is why he shared it with me.
My father and I share similar attributes in our personality. We try our best to be kind and pleasant, but we both can get a bit “moody.” Sometimes that moodiness can make for an unpleasant relationship with a spouse if we aren’t constantly working to control emotions.
(Above: my amazing parents who have now been married 56 years)
I can tell you with complete honesty that I agree 100% with my dad’s advice, I regret that I haven’t always followed it and have said things to my spouse that I now regret.
However, it’s a conscious effort to watch my words, and my HOPE is that as my husband and I continue to grow in our marriage, that I can learn to “hold back” anything hurtful.
My hope is to think through my words, for we all know, words can cut deeper than physical wounds at times.
Now I must note, that if you’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship and you are simple “cowering down” so as to not upset a spouse that isn’t healthy either. There MUST be constant communication in a marriage. And yet, that communication should more on the constructive or positive side.
Trying your best to “shut up” if you have only mean things to say can be challenging at times, but the reward is to not have the extreme REGRETS of speaking hurtful words.
Did you ever watch the Disney movie Bambi as a child?
Do you remember what Thumper said?
Thumper’s mother reminded him to say “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Just think how many world problems we could save if we watched our words and learned when to “shut up” so to speak.
(Below: Our Engagement picture)
So now I ask you…what is the best marriage advice you have ever been given?
Do you agree with the marriage advice I was given?
Would love to hear your thoughts on this matter!